Chapter 6

The camera on the TV

  1. Dinner at the farm: Kévin films the family over their soup with a phone on a selfie stick, ring light on; Gérard, half standing and red with rage, points at the door.

    Every dinner, Kévin films. The soup. The cheese. Papy René’s tooth.

    Say hi to my thirty-seven followers!

    OUT! No phones in my soup! OUT!

  2. Four chairs, four family members seated; Kévin, banned, stands with his arms dangling next to a stool with a runny camembert on it.

    Come on. I’m basically the producer.

    The table has four chairs. Count them.

  3. Close-up on the runny camembert on its wooden stool, lit like a star, a fly circling it.

    The camembert has the stool. It has more presence than Kévin. And more followers.

    …and the stool?

    The stool is for the cheese.

  4. Chloé, eyes on her phone, pats Kévin’s shoulder; Kévin has an idea; in the back Papy René cups his ear.

    Babe, be behind the camera. That’s literally where the stars are.

    Behind the camera… Oh. Oh.

    Hein? Who is a camera?

  5. Gérard, a screwdriver in his mouth, tips the old TV onto its side; the doily and the ceramic rooster slide off.

    CLONK!

    Chloé said videos are vertical now. Gérard doesn’t know what vertical means. But he knows what a screwdriver is.

  6. At night, in the empty dining room, Kévin tiptoes and tapes a tiny webcam on top of the TV lying on its side, a finger on his lips.

    That night, before leaving, Kévin forgot something on the TV. On purpose.

    Content never sleeps.

  7. The next evening at the table, Monique, a hand in her hair rollers, narrows her eyes; Gérard sneers and points at her hair.

    Monique, the TV is looking at us. Hide your face, we have a reputation.

  8. Seen from the webcam on the TV: Monique brings a baguette down on Gérard, his beret flies; Chloé stays on her phone; Papy René looks straight into the camera, his glass of red raised.

    BONK!

    Hello, America. Send wine.

    And that is the show: every dinner, seen from the TV. Hello, America.